All I need is you by my side

This is not me giving up after telling you I'm gonna fight about an hour ago. But change comes slow. Especially to me it seems. I've been feeling like this for so long. Being happily in love kind of took that all away somehow. We weren't even near perfect, but at least we were real and the fact that someone was in love with me was real. Oh, how I'd waited for that moment to come. Now I regret ever doubting him, doubting us. How much time I wasted secondguessing everything that was us. I wasted so many moments that could've been amazing moments. Moments where we could've been head over heels in love and actually could've enjoyed it. The worst feelings are the ones that have come now afterwards. The oh so famous could've-, would've-, should'ves. Those questions eat me alive and bury me somewhere deep behind the face of someone who's doing fine, moving on. I keep thinking what would have happened if I'd nagged a little less, been a little more adventureous, said those three words more often. I push aside all the things I deep down know he did wrong. Because maybe I could've saved us. Maybe I'm the bad one here. And I hate myself so much for putting myself in a position where I regret so much now.

You've got to get up and try

Jag är så pumped att få den här depressionen bort. För lång tid har jag tappat på detta helt i onödan. Under senaste tiden har jag kännt mig mer värdelös och oälskad än någonsin förut och det vill jag nu ändra på. #fightdepression !

Every night, dreaming of us

Det är en hemsk känsla när kärlek dör. Allting bara vissnar bort och blir svart. Jag kan inte vara i samma rum med honom längre utan att få ångest. Det gick i början, direkt efter slutet, men nu går det inte mer. Nu saknar jag för mycket. Jag hade något så ofattbart bra. Och nu har jag bara tomhet. Konstigt att alla negativa känslor från den tiden liksom automatiskt sopas under mattan när man börjar sakna. Man börjar tänka varför man inte kan vara tillsammans igen om allt var så härligt då? Varför kan vi inte?